Sail Away.

and knowing your opinion of me has just made it worse. i know i'm doing this to myself. i think it's why i'm doing it. it hurts. but everything just got worse. I FUCKED UP. i now have. and now i have to deal. i will deal. it's what i'm good at. watch me deal. watch me lock it away. all poisons in this little black head of mine, locked in a box with big shiney locks. never to be opened, never to be let loose. you won't see it again. you won't see me again. not like you just did. i can't have you tell me again. i chose not to talk to you because i knew you wouldn't understand. you wouldn't get it. i am dealing. this is me dealing. i used to 'cope' in another way. i can't do that any more, so i'm hurting myself in new ways, ways that are worse i suppose because i'm not just hurting me, i'm hurting those around me. you made me realise that. it's horrific. i have to stop. i want to sleep. i want to go away. i want to be invisible. i can't do that either. i'm gona throw on my smiles. don't ask me if i'm ok. don't ask me whats wrong. not again. because maybe next time i won't hold back. i've never truely opened my box. truth be told i never want to. i'm scared. this is my last true testiment. i never want to speak it again. xoxo