Think before you speak/act.

FML doesn't seem to quite cover it today. I don't know how to get my head sorted out. It feels like I'm trapped in some never ending labyrinth. Everytime I find my way it turns out to be a dead end and some other route opens, not necessarily the best one for me to take. I know I need to put the effort in. I just can't. I wish I could cope. I wish I could deal. I wish I could get a grip let these feelings go and just be happy. But they keep swollowing me whole, dragging me down. I don't want to wake up any more. I'm tempeted. Painting red is a beautiful thought. I'm slowly loosing myself again. I AM NOT ME. I don't know what I will and won't do any more. I used to be so sure about the rights and wrongs. Or at least sure about what I felt were the rights and wrongs. I have lost my morals. This is going to take me a while. It's not something fixable just like that. If you love me. Bare with me. Stand by me and don't leave to do this on my own. I need you to keep me balenced. Keep me going. Keep me sane. I need you to make me care. Because the fact is I'm giving up. I'm giving in. Temptations are winning. I'm loosing touch and the more I try force myself into it. The more I'm getting thrown out, forgotten and hurt. I hate this hurt. I hate the fact it makes me choke on tears, makes my heart break. I'm scared, if I stop caring..... I'm gone.